Category Archives: Searches

Fighting The Good Fight

Spam—email spam, link spam, splogs, social media spam—is evil. I waste too much of my time dealing with it. It was inevitable that this Wired article about a new search engine would intrigue me: [T]here’s a new search engine in town that’s got a fresh approach to weed out the ever-proliferating junk and spam sites […]

National Stereotypes

I have just searched Google News for “Afghanistan”. The top three stories are, in order: 500 more British soldiers will go to Afghanistan—[report] Italians bribed the Taleban all over Afghanistan—[report] France will not send any more troops to Afghanistan—[report]

Capable Of Universal Computation

The new “un-search engine” Wolfram Alpha beat Google in at least one of my tests: Here are some of its answers to other, harder, questions.

“In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.”

Congratulations to the Web surfer brought here by a search for: “interracial dates that like Radiohead” You have hit the jackpot.

Disturbing Search Of The Moment

I’m kind of afraid to ask why people have been arriving at PooterGeek over the past couple of days as a result of googling for “John Kettley” and “hedgehog”. I realise my publishing this post will now make things worse. Perhaps I should add the phrase “Richard Gere” as well.

Today Britain. Tomorrow The World!

Despite my slack posting there, in the few months since I started it The Wedding Photography Blog has gone to number two hit on Yahoo UK for the search terms “wedding photography“. This is amazing even to me. If you linked to it then thank you. I must extend special gratitude to the anti-Euston Manifesto obsessive […]

Revealing

Today, unique visits to PooterGeek have been cruising at the elevated level of 50-plus an hour. Why? Because this site has just entered the top ten on Arabic Google for the search term “boobs“.

Penis Size: A Scientific Study

Further to this, this. METHOD: To study the effect of penis width vs. length on female sexual satisfaction, 50 sexually active female undergraduate students were asked which felt better, i. e., was penis width or length more important for their sexual satisfaction. RESULTS: None reported they did not know, or that width and length were […]

My Problem With UKIP

My legal adviser tells me that all members of the UK Independence Party are sane, sensible, and not closet racists at all. Google tells me that their Isle Of Wight branch’s lilac campaign caravan, the completely non-racistly named “Wight Knight”, is the seventh hit for a search on Google Images for my name. Why is […]

No Joke

After a hard day’s coding [yeah, you thought I'd put that crap behind me too], there’s nothing like settling down in front of your monitor to watch the latest movie trailers online. The one(s) for Basic Instinct in particular is/are gloriously bad. I was going to write a few paragraphs marvelling at David Morrissey’s ability […]

Kink Of The Month

I can only imagine that a sexually frustrated militant Deaf separatist would go searching the Web for pictures of “naked deaf girls”, but you lot might know better. UPDATE: For anyone brought here by such a search in the future, Deafs.com might get you closer to your goal.

Public Sector Search Watch

Today I had a visitor (apparently) from a machine in Brent Town Council’s offices. He/she came looking for “fat young girls”. In connection with which of that London Borough’s administration’s published Objectives do you think the individual responsible was making such an enquiry?: Supporting children and young people Attain, retain and develop excellent staff Increasing […]

Tum Te Tum

Busy busy busy. Go read Google News, peeps.

Top Tip For ‘Bloggers

Girls, please don’t all throw your virtual knickers at me at once, but I once reviewed a book on how to use Google for the UK UNIX Users’ Group magazine, subsequently republished in the official magazine of the American Accounting Association—or something like that. After reading the book, I became a Google ninja. By way […]

“Poo” By Name

I am told by PooterGeekers, including the currently-one-armed Hot Wheels Helena, that they come here by typing “poo” into their Web browsers and letting auto-complete do the rest. Be careful that the rest of the URL is filled in before you hit “Return” or, like Hot Wheels, you are likely to find yourself at the […]

Further Insight Into The British Class System

Someone visited PooterGeek today having been referred here by a search [link not safe for work] on “yacht insurance dot uk dot com” for “spanking boys”.

“I’m Sorry, Damian: I’m Afraid I Can’t Do That.”

Dont you just hate the way when you are googling for someone and you type in, say, “Laurence.Rittenour”, Google thinks for a microsecond, comes back with no hits, and asks “Did you mean: ‘Laurence.Ritenour‘? And you think, “Yeah, I probably did”, and you click on the corrected link that Google so helpfully provides. Then Google […]

Uncut

Someone came here today looking for “celebs with foreskins”—obviously another reality show that I am missing because I don’t have a television.

I’d Like To Teach The World To Think

What’s most pleasing about Google’s April Fool joke today is that its text is shot through with the sort of pseudoscientific nonsense that infests thousands of real products’ copy.

Searches Of The Week

Someone was brought here yesterday by a search for “Get your Colonial Shame off my breasts”. What they really wanted was this [safe for work]. Other recent PooterGeek hits: “sinn fein mobile download” “truckers favourite gay sex stop” “chav style home decor” “billie piper breasts” “nice things to do for your boyfriend” “big breasted landladies” […]

Still No Cure For Genius

PooterGeek is number three hit on Google for “cure for stupidity“. Sadly, number one is James D Watson indulging in that favourite activity of previous Nobel prizewinners: talking cack.

A Word From Our Sponsors

I have been asked to bless this Webpage with the Google power of PooterGeek, the most “innovative and resourceful” Website in the World. The aforementioned link is surely the best to follow for Philippine biotechnology, enterprise, and investment conference information. I think casualsavant would agree with me in the comments, using further links to illustrate […]

Yess!

Despite my never having posted anything tackling this crucial question, I am top hit on Yahoo search for “how to look cool when going bald”.

Surf’s Up!

Within hours of the story breaking, who is number 2 for “Boris Johnson” “sex scandal”? PooterGeek braces for the hits as Britain’s Webheads ride the wave this-a-way.

The Sins Of The Father

This is why my dad suffered at the hands of Jesuits: so his son’s ‘Blog could be number three in the world for “Evil Catholic Authoritarianism“.

Puddy Tats: Monsanto’s Stormtroopers

When the subject of British public attitudes to genetically modified organisms comes up at Genome Campus breaktime conversations I tend to make two standard contributions. I rail against the “Frankenfood” hysteria of the UK tabloid press (not to mention the bloody Archers) that has all but prevented a rational debate on the subject. I advance […]

With Friends Like This

This morning I’d just like to thank Judith for making PooterGeek third highest Google hit for “visible thong above trousers“. I need all the help I can get in improving the quality of the visitors here.

Very Scary Indeed

I have posted many times about my immense Google karma. Today I have had a huge spike in hits (by my modest standards) because this post is number four match on Yahoo search for “Bigley decapitation“. A nervous hello to all my new readers—including the eloquent “Ben”.

As If I Care

Hak sent me a link to this article this morning. I can’t think why. [UPDATE: According to my server logs, someone has been directed to PooterGeek having searched Irish Google for "Nigella Lawson in leather catsuit". He or she has no idea how sorry I am that I am unable to help.]

My Patriotic Duty

Harry “Chase Me Ladies” Hutton wants to be Britain’s top Nazi. So far, he is only fourth. PooterGeek possesses terrifyingly high levels of Google karma. My blessing is all that stands between him and the status he craves. Arise, Sir Harry, and welcome to your place at the head of the British National Party.