Category Archives: Gay Trousers

Carly Death Rae Jepsen

I have spoken of my love for Sound On Sound before. It’s a popular music magazine that’s about music. It cares for more about excellence than coolness. If you enjoy the mocking of naked emperors, its demo review pages are especially fun. Sadly, I had to save money a few months back when my subscription came […]

Happy (western, heliocentric) New Year!

I hope that, wherever you are, you enjoyed the extra second imposed upon you by the imperialist forces of the dominant scientific-capitalist worldview and that you have a prosperous 2009. As for my year so far, I jogged wearily to the gym this morning, dreading the crowds of resolutioners (though it hasn’t been too bad […]

An Apology

I’d like to express my profound regret to everyone reading this post for any offence I might have caused by thinking of writing this post while listening to Radio 2 in the shower at the same time as rubbing my naked body with shower gel. In mitigation, my Webcam was switched off at the time—and in […]

If The Infection Don’t Get Ya, The Conflagration Will

It’s not a good idea to take a whole slice of brie out of the fridge, allow it to reach room temperature, eat some, and then re-chill it. If you do this enough times, then, by the time you reach the end, you may well have cultured yourself a nice little dose of food poisoning. […]

Off The Grid

the middle of nowhere[click image to enlarge it] [A dirt track in Wales exactly seventy-five miles from the nearest Starbucks. POOTERGEEK is laden with three cameras, several lens bags, and a tripod. He is trying to open the gate to a field full of sheep by pressing a London Transport Oyster card against the hinge […]

Snapshots From My Glamorous Life

Last week, I noticed a registered Brighton & Hove taxi parked outside the Muslim community centre. Prominent on the dashboard was a hardback copy of Richard Dawkins’ The God Delusion. A couple of days later I saw the car (and the book) again. This time the vehicle was being attended to by two of B&H’s […]

The Low Spark Of High Heel Boy

Last week, as part of my continuing journey into girly, I was photographing ladies’ fashions and domestic interiors for i gigi and the i gigi General Store. I recommend that you pop down to the latter at 37 Western Road in Brighton because it is truly a sight to see. This is a shop that looks like […]

Yet Another Test Post

If this entry also appears at Bloggers4Labour then thanks to Andrew Regan, the evil genius behind that site, and to the cunning Andrew Skudder for restoring PooterGeek’s feed to the collective. UPDATE: I’m boring, I’m beige, I’m back, and my pants are as tight as a Scissor Sisters track. Like this:Like Loading…


Given that I spent New Year’s Eve alone at my computer keyboard tidying up my remote UNIX home directory, this is going to read like a middle-class white guy wibbling on about how “vibrant” the local “community” is as he moves into a flat in one of London’s tiny ethnic war-zones instead of the Georgian […]

Not Gay Trousers

Heaven knows why he chose me, but I have been asked by its proprietor to direct some PooterGeek Google karma in the direction of this “queer shirts’n’gifts” site:, a shop that proves there’s more to LGBT apparel than rainbows. Apropos of nothing, I invite you to marvel at one of my niece Maisie’s Christmas […]


I’ve just returned from another boozy early evening exhibition party. One of the exhibitors is a painter who does portraits from photographs so it was business as well as pleasure. When things finally started winding down, the last people standing were three gay guys, the hostess, one other woman, and me. At that point the […]

Punchable Me

I’m sure many people who read this blog want to give me a slap. It’s quite something to see yourself online and get the same feeling. Look at this smug young local businessman collecting his new-age prize* in his tailored pinstripe jacket set off by his smart-but-casual, v-necked, clingy sweater of indeterminate sexual orientation and […]

Sadly Straight

Thursday evening, last week: I’m standing at the bar buying my round in a not-gay pub in Brighton when a man I’ve never met before starts talking to me in a way I am reluctant to categorise as “forward” until he moves in close, starts rubbing his hand up and down my chest, and tells […]

Confident Against The World In Arms

After all those heterosexual pairings, here’s a homosexual one. I live in the gay capital of the UK and photograph weddings, yet I had to drive to Stratford-upon-Avon to shoot my first civil partnership. Ivan used to design clothes, some of which my sister used to model, and now he is Costume Co-ordinator at the […]

Honestly, I’m Completely Straight

If you are a middle-aged man then two things are going to happen to your hair soon: it’s going to fall out and it’s going to turn grey. My dad managed to escape both of these until he reached 60 years of age, but everyone accused him (unfairly) of using Grecian 2000, so he didn’t […]

Is It The Trousers?

I received some fan mail yesterday from someone telling me how much his attention was grabbed by “PoofterGeek”. Like this:Like Loading…

The Last Stand?

A blasted heath on the edge of a backlit forest. Low clouds of mist lap around a natural arena. A figure strides over a hillock into view. It is IAN MCKELLEN. He is wearing a very silly helmet and matching cape. He is in possession of a KNIGHTHOOD and an enormous cheque. IAN MCKELLEN: Patrick! […]

Dear BBC…

Excuse me for not noticing this before as I don’t have a TV, but I have to say that this is exactly the kind of perversion of the natural order you can expect when you employ one of those Godless homosexuals to write Dr Who: a Doctor who’s prettier than his assistant. UPDATE: And butch […]

Gayer Than The Proverbial Trousers Of That Ilk

I realise a gym in Brighton is probably not the kind of place where you would expect to find, say, The Playboy Channel showing on the TV screens, but yesterday while I was working out the video to the latest Will Young single was on. It’s a Top Gun pastiche that opens with a great […]

Walk Like A Man

Meanwhile, Leasey does her best to keep me from making potentially embarrassing fashion errors. From next month, however, I will be living in Brighton and, if Manolo’s Shoe Blog is anything to go by, preventing me from buying into the Spring 2006 menswear season will be her biggest challenge yet. Like this:Like Loading…

My Straight Trousers

The menswear floor of the Cambridge Grafton branch of Next: Leasey and I are practising low-stress tag team male/female shopping, a mode of consumption made possible by mobile phone technology. At last an end to blokes idling morosely in Monsoon while the women they are browsing with compare a succession of near identical burgundy velvet […]

A Day In The Life

Leasey: Hi, Damian. Who are your new friends? PG: The naked one with the beach ball painted grey and labelled “rock” is Sissy; the one in the cape and eye-mask is Benjy. Benjy: You LIE. I am ANON, crusader for TRUTH and JUSTICE. PG: Nice cape, Benjy. Leasey: Are these weirdos coming to the cinema […]

My Gay Trousers

My friend Leasey told me today that she and her girlfriends are going to take me out “on the pull” to a place where repetitive beats are played and alcoholic drinks are served. She has ordered me not to wear my “gay trousers” lest the straight women think I am not interested in them. Apparently […]

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