Monthly Archives: February 2008

Gallery: England Struggles To Rebuild Its Shattered Infrastructure In The Aftermath Of Hurricane Nigella

I’d like to take this opportunity to reassure my readers that I survived the horrors of this morning, and am now doing all I can to help with the aid effort and piece together the scattered fragments of my life. Here is my photographic tribute to those who were less fortunate:

Beige Van Man

[photo by Vic] Yeah, hop in; course I’m going to the reception: I’m the photographer. You with the Japanese bride or the Swiss groom? Oh, you must be one of the Swiss then. Phew. You looked a bit British at first glance. No offence, right, but you Caucasians are a bit difficult to tell apart—’cept […]

Columnist Sneers At Drunken Fool And Demonstrates His Own Ignorance

It’s been global find-and-replace time again at the nationals over the past couple of days as the columnists check the “Fallen_Hero.dot” Word template out of the their publications’ databases in response to the detention of former football star Paul Gascoigne under the Mental Health Act. They haven’t had to do that since “Bestie” died. The […]

Apartheid For Nice Middle-Class People

I spoiled my ballot papers—one for men on one colour of paper, one for women on another colour—for Labour MEP nominations today. I scrawled through the voting boxes and wrote “THIS BALLOT IS SEXIST” (as if it needed explaining), then I put them both into the prepaid envelope. If Harriet Harman has her way and […]

If The Infection Don’t Get Ya, The Conflagration Will

It’s not a good idea to take a whole slice of brie out of the fridge, allow it to reach room temperature, eat some, and then re-chill it. If you do this enough times, then, by the time you reach the end, you may well have cultured yourself a nice little dose of food poisoning. […]

Generation Gap

You probably didn’t know that the miniature-mace-shaped implement used by a priest in the Roman Catholic church to sprinkle holy water is called an “aspergill” or “aspergillum”. Despite our respective Catholic upbringings and useless fact collecting, neither did I or my dad. But my dad (Jesuit schooling, degree in classics) could quote me the relevant […]

I Want A Percentage Of The Gross

Remember William Hurt Grows A Beard? Now Dennis Quaid has grown one too.

Guests? But I Haven’t Hoovered For Days!

A couple of my friends txted me this morning to let me know that PooterGeek is in The Guardian‘s Guide today. Unfortunately, as has been the case for most of the past week, I’m too busy to write anything new and the best-of section is over a year out of date. Come back next week, […]

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Not English

Just back from lunch watching the first half of Villa versus Newcastle at my local. (Joey Barton is a dirty…) I live dahn Sarf now so there were about five people apart from me interested in the Midlands against the North-East dotted around the fairly large TV room. In walks a big black Senegalese bloke […]

Hold Music

I’m busy. Amuse yourself with this. It’s amazing. Type in a song title and an artist name and listen. [via Lifehacker]

My Celebrity Stalkers

On Saturday, I was one of two customers in a tiny local deli until Nick Cave walked in, dressed head-to-toe in black and accompanied by his children in white judo outfits. I toyed with the idea of getting His Caveness to sign my olives, but that would have taken the weirdness one step too far. […]

Shot Down

Thanks in part to you lot, I have for some time been the top hit on Google for “film photographer“, which doesn’t do my business any harm. Anyone familiar with my style of photography will understand why I am disturbed by the news story on the BBC Website that’s currently in the number three position: […]

British Corruption

The latest political scandal uncovered on BBC Radio 2 news this morning was a Conservative MP being “late to declare hospitality from McDonald’s”. Imagine an Italian person hearing that report and trying to make any kind of sense of it at all.

Ten Thousand Rolls In Blackpool Lancashire

Another storm, another surrealist beach installation: Ferry sheds thousands of biscuits Thousands of packets of chocolate biscuits have washed up on the Lancashire shore from a stricken ferry. The McVitie’s biscuits were being carried on lorries aboard the Riverdance, which ran aground off north shore near Blackpool on Thursday night.

Dopey

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post in which I pointed out that statistics disprove the media myth of an excess of unmarried thirtysomething females, complained about the parallel emotional indoctrination of women by commercial interests, warned of the uselessness of online dating services, and described a good evening out I’d had instead […]

Can We Talk About Something Else Now?

Islam isn’t a race. Martin Amis isn’t a racist. This video is fun: [via The Ambrosini Critique]