Monthly Archives: December 2005

Lessons In Pop Culture (Re)learned This Christmas

Clean-cut “youf” operatic quartet G4‘s cover of Radiohead’s Creep is either a crime against music or a post-modern deflation of passive-aggressive indie rock whining. I’m not sure which, but either way I am worried that my sister likes it and that I can’t think of a good reason why she shouldn’t. “Is It Just Me […]

Verbs Still Footsoldiers Of Forces Of Conservatism

As a Labour Party member I received my New Year’s email from comrade Tone this morning. Its title is “Britain in strong position for 2006″. Like this:Like Loading…

Meeting A Sales Target

Back in September I picked up on Alex Tew’s milliondollarhomepage idea of selling advertising space by the pixel. Just as he planned, he’s approaching dollar millionairehood. Like this:Like Loading…

A Gift-Giving Warning

Last year or the year before, following a request on PooterGeek for you lot to suggest somewhere I might buy a bridge computer for my dad for Christmas, I ordered one for him from DreamDirect. DreamDirect is an evil chimera of The Gadget Shop and SAGA magazine: apart from selling fine handheld bridge computers, their […]

Random Pic

Have a look at a slightly creepy photograph. Like this:Like Loading…

Two Quick Christmas Recommendations

I will post some new stuff here soon. Until then you might want to read a couple of my Jewish friends. Gloria Salt writes about freedom. Judy Adloyada describes a widespread media pathology. Like this:Like Loading…

Beige Christmas

Further to Tim and Eric’s comments, some boring personal information. My mum is from Freetown, Sierra Leone; my dad is from Preston, Lancs. I was born in Nigeria. I left Africa when I was two and have never returned as an adult—even to visit. Since my cousins have all left, and my grandmother there is […]

Stander Delivers

I was asked at a recent party of ‘Bloggers why I don’t write more about Africa and in an email this week by a South African correspondent if I would write something about apartheid. In both cases I pleaded the deadly combination of ignorance and emotion. I just couldn’t write well about a continent I […]

Beige Humour

Traditionally when posting gets thin around here I steal a joke from The Motley Fool, edit it a bit, and slap it up on PooterGeek so that everyone can complain about how unfunny it is in the comments until things get back to normal. I bet you can guess what’s coming next. An old lady […]

Three Weekend Headlines

Truckers Pluck A Sculpture as Self Preservation Society executes audacious robbery. Two vehicles gained access to the courtyard of the Henry Moore Foundation in Perry Green, Much Hadham in Hertfordshire, on Thursday evening. Three men then loaded the huge statue of “a reclining figure” onto the back of a Mercedes lorry using a crane. Officers […]

Tum Te Tum

Busy busy busy. Go read Google News, peeps. Like this:Like Loading…

Nothing New To See Here

Never mind Google ninjas. Watch Monkey Ninjas. They’re funny. Like this:Like Loading…


Despite my best efforts, one of the regulars here stumbled upon the celebrity name of the child I wasn’t allowed to ‘Blog about in my anonymized post of this morning, so I’ve removed the story in question. Gah! Sometimes—just sometimes—I wish you lot were stupid. Apologies to the authors of the interesting comments that I […]

Normal Service Will Be Resumed Soon

Yesterday evening PooterGeek was down for several hours while my hosts did some maintenance. Sorry about that. It will probably also be quiet around here today while I back various files up in a locking-the-stable-door kind of way. Like this:Like Loading…

Top Tip For ‘Bloggers

Girls, please don’t all throw your virtual knickers at me at once, but I once reviewed a book on how to use Google for the UK UNIX Users’ Group magazine, subsequently republished in the official magazine of the American Accounting Association—or something like that. After reading the book, I became a Google ninja. By way […]

Fobbing Off The Punters

Eh! Eh! Calm down! Yes, I parenthetically threatened to kick Harold Pinter’s hospital bed for his drivelling on about the US foreign policy, but I have a lot to do right now. If I do put the boot in it won’t be before the weekend because I need a nice unbroken slot of time to […]

Three-Year-Old Unimpressed By Conspiracy Of Teachers

If you’re going to con a small child you’ve got to make some kind of effort. According to my mum, my sister has been phoning up my dad and telling her daughter (my niece) that she has Santa Claus on the line. Maisie picks up the phone and tells Santa (my dad) that she has […]

Strange Day

I forgot to mention that my Thursday last week started with my being trapped in my car when its cheap-and-nasty central locking system went bonkers and shut me in (I had to pass the keys out through the window to a mechanic at local garage who got a passenger-side door open) and ended with my […]

I’m Condi. Fly Me.

Hi! Welcome to the CIA Airlines check-in desk. Could I ask you to itemize your hand luggage as you place it on the belt, sir? Er, one holdall of shoes, running gear, and toiletries; one suitcase of casual clothes; one suit carrier containing three identical black suits and ties with matching Ray-Bans; one attaché case […]

Another Nail In The Coffin

Via Slashdot comes news of a striking new development in digital camera technology. Even more people will be coming up to me after they have heard the electro-mechanical winding of my 35mm film camera and asking, “Ooh, can I have a look at the preview?” Like this:Like Loading…

Non-Libellous Clerihew

The prominent mayor Was quick to declare That Jews were amongst his best friends And he only hated them at weekends. Like this:Like Loading…

Just Warming Up

Since GrammarPuss has been at it lately, and I have just got off the train after a pleasantly alcoholic dinner and an unpleasant wade through the shoddy prose of Harold Pinter’s Nobel speech* I’d like to share with you my language gripes of the moment. You should only use “the latter” when you are referring […]

Blonde Bombshell

Playboy gives up playing with Barbie-girl to play with Sindy doll. Barbie “devastated”. Like this:Like Loading…

The Stupid Party?

Further to my controversial (and originally wrong) post about Thatcher’s educational history, Chris Brooke notes that the current Conservative Shadow Cabinet has a lot of susstificates—albeit mostly ones in subjects classified as belonging to the humanities. Like this:Like Loading…

Back To The 70s

On Friday Saturday evening, I went out for a noisy drink with Mr and Mrs Wardytron, their livejournal friend Jim(?) and a posse of goths. Thank you, Wardy, for inviting me. It was fun. One of the few serious topics of conversation that came up was the new Conservative Party leader. It’s not been often […]

MTA Wanted—Emphasis On T and A

Media composer Richard subscribes to various lists that offers work for people in his business. As with much of the media world, those offering gigs are fully aware of the desperation of celebrity wannabes to get any kind of experience—so they pay accordingly: peanuts or less. To use the jargon, they take the piss. Such […]

Working Out

One month’s free personal training with my new gym membership and the need for structure in my life have turned me into something of an obsessive. The very helpful staff have shown me how to operate those strange torture machines I once mocked. I used to use the Genome Campus gym for one purpose: to […]


Via Troubled Diva comes a good nutter-on-public-transport story with a better punchline than mine. Like this:Like Loading…

Non-Crazed England Football Editorial Shocker

After yesterday’s World Cup draw, some boring sense about England’s prospects from football365: It is worth stating something that is blindingly obvious and yet often overlooked in the hysteria surrounding the national team: England’s peaks may be depressingly even, but the troughs have been negligible for many years now. Since Sven-Goran Eriksson took over, the […]

Hard Cell

Hi. I’m Saddam Hussein. You might remember me from my worldwide hits Massacre At Halabja, Gulf War I, and Gulf War II. I’m here to tell you about custard, Bird’s™ Custard—The Choice of Despots™. [Raises pack to camera stiffly. Walks along featureless metal corridor towards prison kitchen, but slowly because his ankles are chained together.] […]

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