[BASRA. Outside a terrorist hideout, two undercover SAS men wait for their final instructions from their Mahdi Army handler. They are sitting in a Morris Minor dressed in Lawrence of Arabia costumes and wearing blackface. One is wrapped in a girdle of fake sticks of dynamite, stamped with the legend “ACME”.]
FIRST SAS MAN: Durqa durqa jihad durqa baklava Mohammed…
[I’m sorry. I’m going to stop there. The guys were risking their lives. A spoof like this would be wrong, but, gah, the temptation is vexing me.]
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The Mirror. Also my first stop for all matters relating to the British Army in Iraq.
(I hear you’re moving to Brighton. They know all about losing piers.)
Don’t be cowed PG.
Bernard Cribbins is the Mahdi Army handler.
Charles Hawtrey and Jim Dale are the soldiers.
And Bernard Breslaw is also there in a burka.
This is exactly the treatment this story needs! Hattie Jacques … Wearing a bedouin tent! From under which emerges Kenneth Williams as Osama bin-Liner: “Infamy, infamy, they’ve all got it infamy!” Cut to Babs Windsor as a belly dancer, watched lecherously by Sid James as George Galloway. This has it all!