Monthly Archives: September 2005

Charmers And Chancers

Following on from the satisfyingly successful “Embarrassed And Mystified“, PooterGeek now invites you to come up with two more celebrities’ names. To comment on this thread you must cite someone in the public eye you consider to be talentless, crooked, annoying or otherwise undeserving of the admiration they get, but you can’t help liking; and […]

Usage And Abusage

Ten products routinely used in ways which expressly contradict their accompanying instructions or break English law: cotton wool buds—“Do not insert into the ear canal…” King-Size Rizla cigarette papers—did you know that the green Rizla papers with the corners cut off are for blind smokers? blank CD-Rs—“Obtain the permission of the copyright holder…” phallic vibrating […]

Lovely Bloggers

I’m just back from Brighton where I had nothing to do with the Labour Party conference, but after some genuinely interesting and productive meetings (I didn’t say that often when I had a proper job), I had drinks and dinner with some delightful ‘Bloggers. Skuds has a report and a photo—the latter taken just as […]

Hideously White

I’ve just seen a disturbing thing over at Norm’s place. Alan Johnson, a prominent figure in Labour Friends of Iraq, has answered some bonkers fundamentalist’s denunciation of the electric guitar with a selection of guitar moments. There are about twenty-five more or less famous guitarists named in his post. Of those, the half-Irish, half-Brazilian Phil […]

Atten-shun!

Hot Wheels emailed me yesterday, asking if I had been getting enough sleep lately because she had seen a couple of typos in recent PooterGeek posts. It is true that I’ve been sleeping erratically—bloody Autumn—but it’s also true that Hot Wheels has been critically reading The Boy’s thesis for weeks. She is probably at the […]

Off His Back

You don’t have to be an Aston Villa supporter—or even a football fan (not that the two things are necessarily related)—to appreciate the miserable poetry of this eBay item description. It’s of a Villa away shirt dating from about a year after I could last reliably name all the members of the first team. [via […]

Killer Watt Fact

Look at Europe’s light pollution. As a poster on The Motley Fool points out, the London-to-Preston stretch of Britain appears to have a higher density of electrified living than anywhere in the continent but the Ruhr/Benelux region. Try to be witty about that one, PooterGeekers.

Is This The Best They Have To Offer?

When I’m browsing the Web, I usually do so with an alternative browser, boasting pop-up blockers, referer spoofers, and ad filters. (I also wear an all-body condom and a bullet-proof vest.) This is faster, but looks—to other, less obsessive, people—strange. There’s no visual spam. Where most people see animated games inviting them to “SQUISH THE […]

Two Quick Visuals

Via Elemy: “The average homeowner should expect to repair direct meteor damage every hundred million years.” Via the Motley Fool: “When you are in deep trouble, say nothing and try to be cool.”

Victimizing Fashion Victims

How can I resist a ‘Blog post that knocks indie rockers and iPods at the same time? Thinking of buying an iPod Nano? If you really love music, there’s a better way to spend your money. Shame about the colour.

Wandering The Web

I spent the final three days of last week in a grant-writing binge: tapping at my keyboards in the early hours, making phone calls to Brighton, wading through artspeak, eating dodgy fast-food. Over the weekend I had a chance to perambulate properly in cyberspace. By following the ‘Blog aggregator of a friend I found an […]

WLTM Complete Failure For Friendship, Long Walks

Just had that Hind on the phone. I did my listening thing while she relived a Very Important Exam In Doctoring with me because she’s worried she might have blown it. Hind, you haven’t. I know this because, as a medical school drop-out, I am an expert. Then she asked me about my life and, […]

Strawberry Jammin’

My longstanding disdain for white people with dreadlocks is well known, and even extends to the otherwise charming and helpful young man in the local music shop who insists on addressing me as though we are lost siblings*. Even in Upside-Down World, if Hak is to believed, they have Pasty-farians: “[O]ne of Sydney’s more annoying […]

Plots In The Klondike

The mini-revival of dotcom mania is in full swing. Even The Guardian printed a student entrepreneur story yesterday. A month ago the “bedroom boffin” (as has probably already been described by his local newspaper) had an idea that’s turned out to be a cleverer than it looks on paper. Alex Tew’s milliondollarhomepage sells off space […]

Why Can’t It Wait Till Morning?

Via Happy As Kings, this collection of double-bed strife could be described as the Not-Calmer Sutra.

You Can’t Get The Staff

On Thursday, as I drove from my appointment at the dole office JobCentrePlus, Cambridge looked beautiful enough to break your heart. Compared to Oxford, you don’t see people in gowns much here, but I passed a line of them walking very decoratively along The Backs that afternoon. The sun was shining low—through trees that hadn’t […]

Uh-Oh

This page is starting to appear in my referers: “Alice (9/22/05 6:26 pm) Ralph story I was browsing online and I came across this weird mocking story of Ralph. It isn’t the best story but I found it amusing. here’s the link: www.pootergeek.com/?p=1725 ArcticLady (9/23/05 7:30 am) Reply humph… I don’t know the owner of […]

Toe Curling

How bad is Be Cool? The best thing about it is the performance by The Rock. And, according to the Internet Movie Database, what acting projects does he have lined up to follow this turkey? Instant Karma 2005 “A visual effects-laden comedy about a safecracker who dies and is reincarnated as a series of animals.” […]

Carry On Up The Khawr Abd Allah

[BASRA. Outside a terrorist hideout, two undercover SAS men wait for their final instructions from their Mahdi Army handler. They are sitting in a Morris Minor dressed in Lawrence of Arabia costumes and wearing blackface. One is wrapped in a girdle of fake sticks of dynamite, stamped with the legend "ACME".] FIRST SAS MAN: Durqa […]

Copywronging

I am always raving about The Economist on PooterGeek, partly by default. Although most people think of it as a magazine or a journal, it’s one of the very few newspapers in Britain that lives up to the name. Because, for example, more millionaires read The Economist than any other international publication there’s no need […]

Cha Cha Cha

Here’s someone who is even more offensive about minorities than I am. And she’s funnier. And I bet lots of people want to sleep with her. If you’ve got a Quicktime player on your computer, you must watch the trailer for Sarah Silverman’s new film.

The Return Of Diana Gloria Salt

Watch out, Gloria‘s back—and she’s packing heat.

She’s Right

This quote from Zadie Smith, is cited by Celia Walden in The Daily Telegraph as further evidence of the young (and annoyingly successful) author’s being “cantankerous”: “In a lot of chick lit, depicting women slightly older than me, the sexual maturity is that of a nine-year-old. The sex is just this giggly and ridiculous activity […]

Space Invaders

And talking of photogenic sea life, here’s something you don’t see every day: giant rectangular fish leaping into the air.

“A terrific eye-bulging belter”

Talking of young Conservatives, many older members worry that the party is not only suffering in the polls, but that there are few up-and-coming Tories around to reinvigorate the organisation. Recess Monkey, however, has been scouting for emerging talent. [Recess Monkey down as of 10:00hrs BST.] Check out the gobsmacking Website of Annesley Abercorn, candidate […]

Birds, Eh?

Penguins: evidence of Intelligent Design or gay Commie bastards? You decide. [Having provided this link about animal behaviour and evolution I am now bracing myself for a breathtakingly confused Cuthbertson post accusing me of elevating “my radical politics” over “what science tells us about human goals and social realities” by failing to point out that […]

The Negative Equity Show

Yet another reason why I am glad I don’t have a television set is that there is no chance I will have to watch financially illiterate debt-pushers peddle their poison in my living room. These people are destroying young lives. If I had bought a place to live when I moved to Cambridge to start […]

Danickian Superwoman

Jackie Danicki has been on a roll lately. Her last two posts about women and life—“Truman Capote and the rewards of the mundane and unexpected” and “The real meaning of ‘equality’, and why most feminists are anything but ‘pro-choice’“—have been gems. A lot of female newspaper columnists follow the “Polly Filler” template of complaining for […]

Pack Shot

The following requires that you are at least partly familiar with the plot of Clint Eastwood’s Million Dollar Baby—more familiar than Amazon is, at least. Every so often the system by which the company’s Website attaches cover images to product descriptions goes horribly, horribly wrong.

Back Again

Thin ‘Blogging this week too because I’ve been staying in Brighton with the Brincklows again. It was fun and productive and I’ve just got back. I wish I could tell you where I am hoping to live because it is so comprehensively, amusingly PooterGeek. Ah, the things I can’t ‘Blog…