Monthly Archives: July 2005

Just Kill Me Now

It’s half-past one in the morning and opposite my bedroom there’s a house full of drunk Mediterranean language students with MTV accents singing Oasis’s Wonderwall out of tune.

The End Of The Bog Standard?

Is this the beginning? (The motion to restore selective schools in England and Wales was proposed by a teacher who failed his 11-plus.)

Clarifications

My last post was provoked by the continuing gloatiness of Australia’s cricket fans and it linked to a normblog post that looked suspiciously like an example of such behaviour. Truth was he was just being sarky so I’ve changed the link. My apologies to Norm, who isn’t a bad loser—though I very much hope that […]

Yeah, But

One of the many reasons why it would have been satisfying to beat Australia in the first cricket Test at Lord’s is that they and their supporters are not just bad losers, but worse winners. Anyway, though we may field like astigmatics, Aussies are still crap at comedy.

All-Purpose Apology

Lately I have promised various people various things, including a hugely superfluous full-length post on PooterGeek about the recent British bombings. I must apologise to those I have so far disappointed. Tony Blair in particular keeps phoning me, hoping that I will be able to provide him with some choice phrases. Sorry, Tone. I have […]

Bad Poetry Celebrity Deathmatch

You thought Harry “Haystacks” Pinter was unbeatable, but now, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Michael “The Bomber” Rosen. [via Voslunga] UPDATE: I thought I’d have a go myself. (Anyone is welcome to join in in the comments.) War is bad When Americans do it. Blowing up civilians is understandable As long as you’re really, […]

Hard Day At The Office, Dear?

Lance Armstrong has lost one testicle and parts of his brain to cancer. Despite this he seems likely to win his seventh consecutive Tour de France, a competition widely considered to be the greatest test of endurance in modern sport. Meanwhile his girlfriend has been in the studio complaining to Chrissie Hynde about how difficult […]

Looking, But Not Seeing

One of the witnesses to the police shooting of the suspected bomber on Friday saw wires sticking out of the man’s coat. Everyone saw “New York” on an alleged bomber’s sweatshirt.

Could Be Worse

My Auntie Clarina in Sierra Leone is worried that, living in Cambridge and visiting London as I do from time to time, I might be in danger.

Spoiler Alert

If, like me, you have found that reading Harry Potter leaves you unmoved, but you feel the need to keep up with the plots so you can discuss the phenomenon with the Pottd People around you, you’ll be pleased to know that Leasey has been reading the latest volume on behalf of PooterGeekers. Apparently, the […]

Worrying News

Latest.

Erm…

Over at Norm’s place Alan Johnson asks why the Labour Party has not been opposing terrorism more overtly. I can’t believe Alan hasn’t had the Bateman-esque experience of, say, commenting favourably on George Bush’s foreign policy in the company of Labour activists. If he hasn’t, thoughtful James Hamilton has some answers.

OK!

Oliver Kamm has been back for a while and has been on fine form since his return. PooterGeek’s Paris correspondent should check out his latest about the Socialist Workers’ Party and the PKK. Immediately after the recent atrocity in Turkey Claire memorably asked in an email, “What do you promise [a Marxist-Leninist suicide bomber]? 72 […]

Intelligence, Race, And Genetics

I’ve been immersed in a (popular) science book—not dipping in and out for research or reference, but swimming from one end to the other. It is an edited interrogation of the original Jensenist, Arthur R. Jensen, by Frank Miele, former senior editor of the American Skeptic magazine (not to be confused with the British The […]

Fight! Fight!

Please, sir, first Mick said all that mass murderering in the olden days was Karl’s fault, then everyone just piled in.

Music and Language Roundup

I noticed this story a little while back and it made me smile. It’s like John Major sacking one of his cabinet members for screwing around (or the Independent having a go at the Guardian for printing the views of an extremist): Oasis fire Pete Doherty for lack of work ethic. Those “working class” Gallagher […]

Bond Sequel

Also this week, I expressed my admiration for a Bond spoof at Ace Of Spades HQ. I said it was the sort of thing I wish I’d written. Yesterday I remembered that I nearly had. Bastard.

Normal Service Resumed

On Tuesday evening I was pleasantly surprised (as were a couple of commenters) by RESPECT candidate Salma Yaqoob’s responses in a BBC Radio 4 interview about the London bombers. Given enough rope by “Mad Dog” Milne of The Guardian‘s opinion pages, however, she happily climbed the scaffold: “This cycle of violence has to be broken. […]

On The Difference Between “Will” And “Shall”

“I will follow you to the ends of the earth,” replied Susan passionately. “It will not be necessary,” said George. “I am only going down to the coal-cellar. I shall spend the next half-hour or so there.” P.G. Wodehouse, quoted by R.W. Burchfield

Worldview Shaken

The RESPECT candidate Salma Yaqoob has just been interviewed on BBC Radio 4′s The World Tonight about the revelation that the London Transport “bombers” were British-born Muslims. She didn’t talk complete cobblers. I am going to lie down now.

Sky TV’s Advertising Agency Hires World’s Worst Copywriter

PooterGeekers of a grammatical disposition—Pashmina, Norm, Judith, my dad—should look away now. I cannot be blamed for any trauma you suffer by reading further. The Rock is a Cambridge sports pub. Still bolted over the main entrance to the venue is a rigid, commercially produced, full-colour banner. The banner promotes The Rock’s comprehensive Sky Sports […]

“I’m Sorry, Damian: I’m Afraid I Can’t Do That.”

Dont you just hate the way when you are googling for someone and you type in, say, “Laurence.Rittenour”, Google thinks for a microsecond, comes back with no hits, and asks “Did you mean: ‘Laurence.Ritenour‘? And you think, “Yeah, I probably did”, and you click on the corrected link that Google so helpfully provides. Then Google […]

On My Little List

James Hamilton and the pugnacious parrots join the ‘Blogroll. Also, via Bloggers4Labour, I came across this guy, who describes his ‘Blog in the least promising way possible, and supports Villa’s former rivals in Premiership mid-table mediocrity and poor colour-coordination, but he writes one or two interesting things.

Terrorism Solutions

Yesterday afternoon a man walked past me in my own street wearing a surgical mask. He wasn’t a med student collecting in the street for rag week. He wasn’t on his way to respray a car. I don’t live next to a hospital. He was a smartly dressed academic-looking type with his mouth covered. Also […]

Whoops

I forgot to say thank you for all the kind “welcome back” messages. Thank you. You’re all complete dahlings.

The First Valley Girl In Space

This, however, is not only not one of my spoofs; it isn’t a spoof at all. It’s a direct quote from a New York Times article about the Captain of the next Space Shuttle mission: Capt. Wendy B. Lawrence of the Navy looks at her first space shuttle flight in 1995 almost as a vacation. […]

But Mine Would Have Been Shorter And Funnier

This is a bit long, but, much as it pains me to say it, it’s my sort of spoof and I wish I’d written it. Bastard. [via Tim]

Interim Statement

Yes, I’m “back”. I had planned a quiet month of twice-a-week posting before announcing a possible return to daily Geeking, but Norm and Tim and the terrorists saw to it that I couldn’t slip into the room quietly like a student late for a lecture. The traffic here has been ridiculously high over the past […]

All Aboard!

I made a flip suggestion to some of my bloodthirsty friends yesterday. Hak polished it up into a work of art.

McSlaughter

Independently of Stephen Pollard’s comment, a friend of mine emailed me yesterday to draw my attention to the murder by another Al-Qaeda offshoot of the head of the Egyptian diplomatic mission in Iraq. The email implied that there was some connection between the branch of the global Al-Qaeda franchise killing over there and those busy […]